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FUNNY GIRL is the life of vaudeville comedienne Fanny Brice (1891-1951), starting in 1910. Actually the show starts after she has become a success on stage and flashes back to her origins. It opens in Fanny`s dressing room. She is waiting for her husband, Nick Arnstein, to return after being in prison. She looks back to when she was a 19-year old hopeful. Her mother`s poker buddies think she`s wasting her life trying to break into show business. Mrs. Strakosh: Fanny, when people pay good money in the the-ay-ter-- especially the male element--they want something to look at! If a girl isn`t pretty Like a Miss Atlantic City, All she gets in life Is pity and a pat. Mrs. Brice: Is a nose with deviation Such a crime against the nation? Should I throw her into jail Or drown the cat? Mrs. Strakosh, O` Malley and Meeker: She must shine in ev`ry detail Like a ring you`re buying retail, Be a standard size that Fits a standard dress. Mrs. Strakosh: When a girl`s incidentals Are no bigger than two lentils Mrs. Strakosh, O` Malley and Meeker: Then to me that doesn`t spell success. Fanny auditions for Keeney`s Music Hall but Keeney kicks her out of the chorus because she doesn`t look like the others. Eddie Ryan, dance director for Keeney, agrees: Eddie: If a girl isn`t pretty Like a Miss Atlantic City, She should dump the stage And try another route. Any guy who pays a quarter For a seat just feels he oughter See a figger that his wife can`t Substitute. Kid, my heart ain`t made of marble But your rhythm`s really horr`ble And that map of yours just ain`t no Valentine. Everything you got`s about right, But the damn thing don`t come out right So forget it, kid, And just resign. Chorus: If a girl isn`t pretty, If a girl isn`t pretty, If a girl isn`t pretty, If a girl isn`t pretty, If a girl isn`t pretty, She should get a job, Go get a job-- Get any job Get a weekly pay, `Cause if a girl isn`t pretty Like a Miss Atlantic City, She`s a real Miss Nobody, U.S.A.
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