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Well sitting in a bar alone where no-one knows your name Is like laying in a graveyard wide awake You`re scared that if you cough or yawn, you might wake up the dead So pretend to read a paper or just drink instead I`m a stand-up comedian, but I`d sit down if I could The world just seems to want folk like me to stand And the punch-lines seem to disappear like clouds across the sky And the laughter could be real or could be canned Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liars` Bar Well living with a lying man could never really hurt But living with a drunk, well no-one deserves And you`re looking for your husband, you`re not sure he`s still alive Don`t bother with the cemetery, he`ll be down at liar`s dive I`m a travelling businessman, I just stopped in for one drink You`ll find that I`m not like the other men Their noses are red, whilst mine is only pink And they didn`t choose their drink, their drink chose them Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liars` Bar And the grave-digger`s smiling, at his reflection in his spade He`s visiting the seediest, the shallowest of graves The vocal chords of elephants, and the characters of mice They`re singing "whisky, whisky", so good they named it twice Well don`t pass buildings with lights on, if I said that I did I`d have lied `Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant, may have Chinese New Year inside And son all my life I`ve been searching, the bars I`ve been in I forget The lights outside ever brighter, but a light on the inside not yet Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liars` Bar And he`s a world-wide traveller, he`s not like me or you But he comes in mighty regular, for one who`s passing through That one came in his work clothes, he`s missed his last bus home He`s missed a hell of a lot of buses, for a man who wants to roam If I look rough I am rough If I look sad I am If I look broke am I broke Just a broke down piece of man I`ve turned over enough leaves, to fill an autumn and if I had one final wish I`d be your slave for a decade, if you could take me away from this If you took me away from this, I`d be different you`d see `Cause I didn`t choose the drink, a drink just chose me Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liars` Bar Well I`m smoking like a chimney And I`m drinking like a fish At Liars` Bar
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