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Well, I took me a woman late last night, Is three-fourths drunk, she looked uptight. She took off her wheel, took off her bell, Took off her wig, said, "how do I smell? " I hot-footed it . . . bare-naked . . . Out the window! Well, sometimes I might get drunk, Walk like a duck and stomp like a skunk. Dont hurt me none, dont hurt my pride cause I got my little lady right by my side. (right there Proud as can be) Is out there paintin on the old woodshed When a can a black paint it fell on my head. I went down to scrub and rub But I had to sit in back of the tub. (cost a quarter And I had to get out quick . . . Someone wanted to come in and take a sauna) Well, my telephone rang it would not stop, Its president kennedy callin me up. He said, "my friend, bob, what do we need to make the country grow? " I said, "my friend, john, brigitte bardot, Anita ekberg, sophia loren." (put em all in the same room with ernest borgnine!) Well, I got a woman sleeps on a cot, She yells and hollers and squeals a lot. Licks my face and tickles my ear, Bends me over and buys me beer. (shes a honeymooner A june crooner A spoon feeder And a natural leader) Oh, there aint no use in me workin so heavy, I got a woman who works on the levee. Pumping that water up to her neck, Every week she sends me a monthly check. (shes a humdinger Folk singer Dead ringer For a thing-a-muh jigger) Late one day in the middle of the week, Eyes were closed I was half asleep. I chased me a woman up the hill, Right in the middle of an air raid drill. It was little bo peep! (I jumped a fallout shelter I jumped a bean stalk I jumped a ferris wheel) Now, the man on the stand he wants my vote, Hes a-runnin for office on the ballot note. Hes out there preachin in front of the steeple, Tellin me he loves all kinds-a people. (hes eatin bagels Hes eatin pizza Hes eatin chitlins Hes eatin bullshit!) Oh, set me down on a television floor, Ill flip the channel to number four. Out of the shower comes a grown-up man With a bottle of hair oil in his hand. (its that greasy kid stuff. What I want to know, mr. football man, is What do you do about willy mays and yul brynner, Charles de gaulle And robert louis stevenson? ) Well, the funniest woman I ever seen Was the great-granddaughter of mr. clean. She takes about fifteen baths a day, Wants me to grow a cigar on my face. (shes a little bit heavy!) Well, ask me why Im drunk alla time, It levels my head and eases my mind. I just walk along and stroll and sing, I see better days and I do better things. (I catch dinosaurs I make love to elizabeth taylor . . . Catch hell from richard burton!)
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