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I pounded on a farmhouse Lookin for a place to stay. I was mighty, mighty tired, I had gone a long, long way. I said, "hey, hey, in there, Is there anybody home? " I was standin on the steps Feelin most alone. Well, out comes a farmer, He must have thought that I was nuts. He immediately looked at me And stuck a gun into my guts. I fell down To my bended knees, Saying, "i dig farmers, Dont shoot me, please!" He cocked his rifle And began to shout, "youre that travelin salesman That I have heard about." I said, "no! no! no! Im a doctor and its true, Im a clean-cut kid And I been to college, too." Then in comes his daughter Whose name was rita. She looked like she stepped out of La dolce vita. I immediately tried to cool it With her dad, And told him what a Nice, pretty farm he had. He said, "what do doctors Know about farms, pray tell? " I said, "i was born At the bottom of a wishing well." Well, by the dirt neath my nails I guess he knew I wouldnt lie. "i guess youre tired," He said, kinda sly. I said, "yes, ten thousand miles Today I drove." He said, "i got a bed for you Underneath the stove. Just one condition And you go to sleep right now, That you dont touch my daughter And in the morning, milk the cow." I was sleepin like a rat When I heard something jerkin. There stood rita Lookin just like tony perkins. She said, "would you like to take a shower? Ill show you up to the door." I said, "oh, no! no! Ive been through this before." I knew I had to split But I didnt know how, When she said, "would you like to take that shower, now? " Well, I couldnt leave Unless the old man chased me out, cause Id already promised That Id milk his cows. I had to say something To strike him very weird, So I yelled out, "i like fidel castro and his beard." Rita looked offended But she got out of the way, As he came charging down the stairs Sayin, "whats that I heard you say? " I said, "i like fidel castro, I think you heard me right," And ducked as he swung At me with all his might. Rita mumbled something bout her mother on the hill, As his fist hit the icebox, He said hes going to kill me If I dont get out the door In two seconds flat, "you unpatriotic, rotten doctor commie rat." Well, he threw a readers digest At my head and I did run, I did a somersault As I seen him get his gun And crashed through the window At a hundred miles an hour, And landed fully blast In his garden flowers. Rita said, "come back!" As he started to load The sun was comin up And I was runnin down the road. Well, I dont figure Ill be back There for a spell, Even though rita moved away And got a job in a motel. He still waits for me, Constant, on the sly. He wants to turn me in To the f.b.i. Me, I romp and stomp, Thankful as I romp, Without freedom of speech, I might be in the swamp.
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