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Well, I was feelin sad and feelin blue, I didnt know what in the world I was gonna do, Them communists they wus comin around, They wus in the air, They wus on the ground. They wouldnt gimme no peace. . . So I run down most hurriedly And joined up with the john birch society, I got me a secret membership card And started off a-walkin down the road. Yee-hoo, Im a real john bircher now! Look out you commies! Now we all agree with hitlers views, Although he killed six million jews. It dont matter too much that he was a fascist, At least you cant say he was a communist! Thats to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria. Well, I wus lookin everywhere for them gol-darned reds. I got up in the mornin n looked under my bed, Looked in the sink, behind the door, Looked in the glove compartment of my car. Couldnt find em . . . I wus lookin high an low for them reds everywhere, I wus lookin in the sink an underneath the chair. I looked way up my chimney hole, I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl. They got away . . . Well, I wus sittin home alone an started to sweat, Figured they wus in my t.v. set. Peeked behind the picture frame, Got a shock from my feet, hittin right up in the brain. Them reds caused it! I know they did . . . them hard-core ones. Well, I quit my job so I could work alone, Then I changed my name to sherlock holmes. Followed some clues from my detective bag And discovered they wus red stripes on the american flag! That ol betty ross . . . Well, I investigated all the books in the library, Ninety percent of em gotta be burned away. I investigated all the people that I knowed, Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go. The other two percent are fellow birchers . . . just like me. Now eisenhower, hes a russian spy, Lincoln, jefferson and that roosevelt guy. To my knowledge theres just one man Thats really a true american: george lincoln rockwell. I know for a fact he hates commies cus he picketed the movie exodus. Well, I finly started thinkin straight When I run outa things to investigate. Couldnt imagine doin anything else, So now Im sittin home investigatin myself! Hope I dont find out anything . . . hmm, great god!
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