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(NEWS FLASH!!!) (scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson begins to speak:) “They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill We called every scholar, reporter, and genius Has anyone seen the President`s penis?” “It ain`t in the Congress or Judiciary It ain`t in the Smithsonian or that big ole library an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus Has anyone seen the President`s penis?” (now the entire press corp. erupts in song:) “THE PRESIDENT`S PENIS IS MISSING OLE`!!! WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY LORD, WON`T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT`S PENIS?” (at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to add his commentary:) “Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways in the 80`s we elected one missing his brain George Washington caught a cold he couldn`t explain and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson`s name” (suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an Orson Welles type voice:) “Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn`t no square with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn`t care and John Kennedy`s penis was seen everywhere” (once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:) “THE PRESIDENT`S PENIS IS MISSING OLE`!!! WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY LORD WON`T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT`S PENIS?” (the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:) “Them outer space people would laugh if they`d seen us all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness but we`re more concerned with the President`s penis” THE END? lyrics by Patterson Hood
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