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L.L. Cool J
Servin em well And as you all know.. I AM - HARD - AS HELL Woke up at 9:30 on a Saturday morn` Hemmed my remote control, turned my stereo on Then I reached for a brush since I don`t use the picks And the floor was kinda cold, so I put on my kicks Walked to the kitchen and ate some cornflakes As I bop to a tape of Cut Creator`s breaks With hardcore - heavyweight - b-boy blast Connoisseur of hardcore, and Cut Creator`s fast Jumped in the shower, it was boiling hot So I stayed there a hour, cause I like it a lot Jumped out, dried off, put on the Denim cologne Then I called up Earl on the telephone He told me `bout a jam that I could do later on 10 g`s plus a limo for one strong song So I said, yeah, I was with it, hung up and got geared Got a magnfying glass, then I brushed my beard Rewound some tapes of some Def Jam tunes As I waited for this freak to ring my bell at noon 12 o`clock came, left the door crack The freak walked in, a mink on her back Put her curt on the rack, threw my ??? on Then I threw in a tape of the quiet storm We drank Roundhill Cavern, ate soft mignons She said, "L.L., when you`re gonna let me taste your tongue?" My skin got pale, I wam-bammed the tail Did it so hard I shoulda went to jail She left, Earl came over and we went outside Jumped in the BM to bust a joyride Went up to A.J., in my fresh black wheel I`m not a sucker on the corner tryin to scrape up a meal The girlies want sex, the fellas try to plex But those who flex end up with broke necks Signed some autographs for a posse of freaks Said, "It`s L, baby, I ain`t down with Chic" Conversated with the skeezers for 10 minutes more Then I jumped in my ride and the freaks slammed the door Due cause I`m a gangster people think I do crimes They don`t know I`m just a connoisseur of hip-hop rhymes Some smile, try to call L.L. a hoodlum at times But he don`t know my autograph`s on his wife`s behind L.L. has iced all the washed up slobs Vigilante of rap, so to hell with the mob Don`t run from the cops, makin suckers jock And I`m only 18 makin more than your pops Tormentor of toys and boyscout boys And I dare any critic to call it noise Peeped at the clock, it said 6:03 Said `later` to Creator and broke out with E Went up to White Castle for a chocolate shake Thinkin `bout a 100`000 that I`d soon make Finished up the snack, jumped up, out my seat E-Love hit the table and he made up a beat Kicked a few lines, stepped out the door Since tonight is a bore I`m in the mood for more We jumped in my ride, I took a peek at the time It was almost 7:30 and the show was at nine L.L. Cool J will soon stand at a jam With thousands of people screamin, "Touch my hand!" But since I had a hour plus a half for tat I was searchin for the cutie who`s my perfect match Her name was Renee, her face was okay But she had the kinda body that made Jay wanna play I said, "No need to rehearse," then I made my approach Said, "You got a good team, girl, but you need a new coach" Said, "My name`s L.L. - Cool, if I may introduce But I`m not here for conversation, I`m here to seduce Wanna mix it up, baby, wanna feel you grind Cause it ain`t 5th grade, and these ain`t nursery rhymes And I know that you adore my sure side hardcore Check out the real L.L. behind closed doors So tell your buddies you`re busy, tell your boyfriend beat it Forget the silk dress,cause you ain`t gonna need it Unplug your clock, do away with the light After five minutes or more you hear me say, `That`s right!` Your body is bad and I heard you got a Caddy When we make love you can call me daddy I`m L.L. Cool J, say hey, Renee I`m not a toyboy, but I still wanna play Promise you I`m not wack when I`m in the sack After that I leave you starvin for me to come back But in the meantime, put your digits down And the next time I see ya I`m goin to town" Stepped away from the freak, it was a quarter to nine When I rolled to the jam I saw the crew on line Took a trip around the side, so I could get backstage If you call me a tiger, then the stage is my cage I rip, stomp and crush, heavy metal bands rust Them flaky knuckleheads I crumble up like crust Walked in my dressing room, and then I heard four knocks They said, "L.L., you`re runnin late and it`is time to rock" Told Cut Creator what the order would be Then I said "Lord have mercy" and slapped hands with E Went onstage, I heard the girlies scream And that`s the very moment I woke up from the dream Aahh!
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