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(Ho, ho, ho...Play it Grandpa...Yeah, play it...Let`s tell them a little story about what happened this Christmas.... Yeah, tell them... tell `em `bout Christmas) Christmas Eve, I didn`t get much sleep I kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney Who could it be? (I`ll tell you what it was... What happened then, Ben?... Yeah, what happened?... Well, I went back to sleep... You went back to sleep? Back to sleep? Shit... Tired man, went back to sleep) And in the morning, I couldn`t believe my eyes A whale of a corpe with a long white beard Was dangling over the fire oh, Santa he`s a big fat fuck Went down the chimney got his fat ass stuck Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast `Cause Mrs. Clause is gonna sue my ass hey, hey, hey (Ok grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right here, tell `em what you saw, tell `em what you saw grandpa) I gotta tell you folks, He wasn`t wearin no clothes He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil from his back down to his toes While I was talking to the cops outside The dog was lickin Crisco off of his thighs They hauled him away in a double-wide What a sad, sad way to die Hey, hey, hey Santa, he`s a big, fat fuck went down the chimney, got his fat ass oh, honey call the lawyers fast, Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass
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