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Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals) Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals) Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals) Ike willis (lead vocals) Peter wolf (keyboards) Arthur barrow (bass, vocals) Ed mann (percussion) Vinnie colaiuta (drums) Arriving at l. ron hoovers modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and a dramatically illuminated image on a wall-sized tv scr . L. ron hoover: Welcome to the first church of appliantology! the white zone is for loading and unloading only! Dont you be tarot-fied Its just a token Of my extreme Dont you be tarot-fied Its just a token Of my extreme Dont you never try to Look behind my eyes You dont wanna know What they have seen Dont you never try to Look behind my eyes You dont wanna know What they have seen Joe: (thinking to himself) Some people think That if they go too far Theyll never get back To where the rest of Them are I might be crazy But theres one thing I know You might be surprised At what you find When ya go! And thus, having ration- alized his expedition to l. rons modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, joe seeks the answer to his problem... Joe: Oh oh oh Mystical advisor What is my problem, Tell me Can you see? L. ron hoover: Well, you have nothing To fear, my son! You are a latent Appliance fetishist, It appears to me! Joe: That all seems very, Very strange I never craved A toaster Or a color t.v. L. ron hoover: A latent appliance Fetishist Is a person who Refuses to admit To his or herself That sexual Gratification can Only be achieved Through the use of Machines... Get the picture? Joe: Are you telling me I should come out Of the closet now Mr. ron? L. ron hoover: No, my son! You must go into The closet Joe: What? L. ron hoover: And you will have Joe: Heh? L. ron hoover: Hey! A lot of fun! Thats where They all live So if you want an Appliance to love you Youll have to Go in there n get you one Joe: Well...that seems Simple enough... L. ron hoover: Yes, but if you want a Really good one, Youll have to learn a Foreign language... Joe: German, for instance? L. ron hoover: Thats right... A lot of really cute Ones come from Over there! (fifty bucks, please) And a cheerful group of Appliantologists dance Into the room wearing Aluminum foil lab smocks, Lock arms in a circle Around joe, making sure He pays in full, all the While singing with l. ron As he delivers his final Instructions... L. ron hoover: If you been Mod-o-fied, Its an illusion, An yer in between Dont you be Tarot-fied, Its just a lot of nothin, So what can it mean? If you been Mod-o-fied, Its an illusion, An yer in between Dont you be Tarot-fied, Its just a lot of nothin, So what can it mean? If you been Mod-o-fied, Its an illusion, An yer in between...
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