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As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be? Ah, you`re drunk, you`re drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see That`s a lovely sow that me mother sent to me Well, it`s many a day I`ve travelled a hundred miles or more But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be Ah, you`re drunk, you`re drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see That`s a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me Well, it`s many a day I`ve travelled a hundred miles or more But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be Ah, you`re drunk, you`re drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see That`s a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me Well, it`s many a day I`ve travelled a hundred miles or more But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be Ah, you`re drunk, you`re drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see They`re two lovely Geranium pots me mother sent to me Well, it`s many a day I`ve travelled a hundred miles or more But laces in Geranium pots I never saw before And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be Ah, you`re drunk, you`re drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see That`s a baby boy that me mother sent to me Well, it`s many a day I`ve travelled a hundred miles or more But a baby boy with his whiskers on sure I never saw before And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be I saw two hands upon her breasts where my old hands should be Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me Who owns them hands upon your breasts where my old hands should be Ah, you`re drunk, you`re drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see That`s a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me Well, it`s many a day I`ve travelled a hundred miles or more But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be I saw a thing in her thing where my old thing should be Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me Who owns that thing in your thing where my old thing should be Ah, you`re drunk, you`re drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see That`s a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me Well, it`s many a day I`ve travelled a hundred miles or more But hair on a tin whistle sure I never saw before
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