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I am a gambler I am Fortune`s son I am the first mate of the NCC-1701D Well I had an encounter at Farpoint Station With a little touch of constipation While I was waiting to come aboard and meet my crew But when the captain arrived I got this feeling inside That there was something that I needed to do And it`s true That when I got to my quarters there was something missing I didn`t have a pot to piss in But I was too proud to ask an ensign where to go And so I flashed with a smile and held it in for awhile And tried not to let it show But you know CHORUS: I asked the ship`s computer I checked the technical guide But there are no bathrooms on the Enterprise I`ve been here seven days And I can`t wait anymore Pretty soon I`m gonna boldly go where no one`s ever gone before I can`t sit down, I`m in some condition How`d Kirk survive on a five year mission? This new assignment is getting harder to endure Cause I ain`t feeling so great and I`m putting on lots of weight I couldn`t make it through a three hour tour That`s for sure And now I`ve gained twenty pounds and I grew a beard How could I shave without a bathroom mirror? If I don`t get some relief I`m gonna split my skin Cause I`m as round as a globe and if I don`t launch a probe Soon I`ll weigh enough to be my own twin My transporter twin CHORUS
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