Текст (слова) песни: Weird Al - Amish Paradise

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she`s very plain
But that`s just perfect for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I`m milkin` cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I`ve been milkin` and plowin` so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I`m a man of the land, I`m into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we`re gonna party like it`s 1699
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I`ve churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It`s hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at a discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don`t care, in fact I wish him well
`Cause I`ll be laughing my head off when he`s burning in Hell
But I ain`t never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a `tude?
You know that`s unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree
I really look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you`ll be bored to tears
We haven`t even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain`t really quaint, so please don`t point and stare
We`re just technologically impaired

There`s no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It`s as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish Paradise
We`re just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish Paradise
There`s no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish Paradise
We don`t fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish Paradise

Hitchin` up the buggy, churnin` lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I`ll raise anutter
Think you`re really righteous?
Think you`re pure in heart?
Well, I know I`m a million time as humble as thou art
I`m the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin` points for the afterlife
So don`t be vain and don`t be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish Paradise
We`re all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish Paradise
There`s no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish Paradise
But you`d probably think it bites
Living in an Amish Paradise

Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-yecch!

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